I just felt led to write this. Sorry, kinda long & still a short version.I met Beau in August of 2004. I wasn't living a very good life. Something instantly connected with us. There was just something about that boy. A few months later I gave my life to the Lord. It was amazing. I moved in with a wonderful family & I am very grateful for them. Beau & I got married in August of 2005. Things were going great. It was hard at first but life was good. We had some struggles that we got to go through together. Struggles that brought us closer together & brought us closer to God. It was neat how God had brought us together & we had some similar situations that helped us get through together.
In Feb 2007 we found out we were having a baby & we bought a house. Things were really going great. I had a wonderful pregnancy. After much prayer we decided I would quit my job & stay at home with our little girl who was born in Sept. She was perfect & everything was perfect. After I quit my job money got really tight. Things were a little tough but we were learning. We believe the Lord was teaching us how to manage money & not blow money. (I am still learning about that :)). Eventually things got really tough so I got a job at a daycare & thought it would be great b/c I would have Piper there with me. Well that lasted about 4 weeks. Piper was miserable. I heard her cry alot & I was miserable. Then I got a phone call asking to babysit at home. It was an answered prayer. Since then God has provided us with wonderful children for us to babysit. It really helps & I really enjoy it.
Things were still tough financially. Some bad things happened that were out of control & I won't go into details. I can say that there were times when all we had was to put our trust in the Lord. Not once did we ever go without or go hungry. We still have a roof over our head & beds to sleep in. Those were very stressful times & I am thankful for my husband who went in & just took care of buisness. He did what he had to do & we prayed ALOT! The Lord put the right people in our lives to help & thankfully all was taken care of.
December of 2009 we found out we were goin to have another baby. This was in the middle of all this finacial stuff. YIKES! We were so excited! December 18th I got a phonecall at 1 in the morning saying that my brother & uncle had been in an accident. My uncle's house blew up. At this point I was pregnant & no one knew. I also had no idea if they were going to survive or not. My uncle was in the hospital in Antlers & my brother was flown to Tulsa to the burn center. We went to Tulsa with Piper. We stayed the first night & I will never forget what it was like seeing my brother in that bed, so out of it, burned, not noing what was going to happen. We were at the hospital & decided we would tell my mom & step dad about being pregnant & hoping it would give some good news. We had pictures of Piper printed that said "big sister". They were very happy! Just as I knew it mom told everyone. Beau went back to work & Piper went with my aunt Liz. I was very nervous b/c Piper has never been away from me that long except when I had the flu when she was 4 months old. The only other person she has stayed with was my mom. I stayed 5 nights in the hospital with my brother. We got to meet other people who were going through similar situations & some even worse. I felt thankful that I finally knew my brother was going to survive. Some weren't so lucky. I enjoyed when my brother started feeling better we got to watch bowl games on TV. My brother got to come home on Christmas Eve. WHAT A BLESSING & my uncle was doing lots better. Besides not having a house & lots of back problems that he will probably have the rest of his life they both survived. I was SO thankful!
On New Years Eve we had some friends over then later that night I started having problems (won't go into those details). I did not want to go to the doctor. I was trying to put it in the back of my mind what was really happening. I stayed in bed at moms all wknd. Then on Sunday my aunt Liz, uncle Bob, & Beau decided I need to go to the doctor. On december 4th I had a D&C. I had lost the baby right at 7 weeks. It was one of the worst things I had experienced & I never imagined how hard it would be. I also learned that my cousin was down the hall in Durant & had her baby on the same day. I was very happy for her.
I went to my doctor for a check up. He thought it would okay to keep trying after 1 cycle. Well we did & guess what......pregnant again. This time I didn't get so excited. Immediatley started having trouble again & lost this baby at 5 weeks on April 3rd. We couldn't believe we were going through that again.
We tried for 8 more months & no success. I knew that God wanted me to be content with what I had. After all I did have a lot! I really was blessed. There were times I thought I was content but every month I didn't end up pregnant I got upset again. During all this Beau & I lost 2 people that meant alot to us. Danny Burton who was like a dad to Beau & my aunt Becky who I was named after.
I went to the doctor at the begining of this year. Dr. Laws thought everything was fine & not to worry so much. If I hadn't gotten pregnant by April to come back in & we would look further into it. I felt better.
About this time my friend asked me if I would want to go to Africa. I don't think she thought I would say yes. I prayed & prayed & Beau felt like it was what I was supposed to do too. I can't even tell you what it did to my heart. I went from feeling sad, depressed, & anxious to being completley filled with joy. I knew this is what the Lord has planned for me for this time. I can't explain to you how my heart has changed. I have felt very content with everything & couldn't imagine having another baby. (although I can't wait to see those two in heaven).
During the whole process of preparing for this trip I did alot of praying & left it in the Lord's hands. For the most part, I never worried. I knew He would take care of all of it b/c it was His plan. He did take care of all of it. He also showed me all the wonderful people who really care about me & care about fufilling His plan. It is amazing.
Through all of it I did have negative comments & alot of negative talk about my trip. It was a great opportunity to share the Lords will in my life. One thing I struggled with at first was the fact that I was leaving my daughter. The Lord quickly showed me that my daughter was going to be fine. He is going to help us both get through it. I KNOW I am doing the right thing. My Piper will be well taken care of although I am going to miss her & Beau so much.
I am very grateful for this opportunity. I sometimes feel unworthy that the Lord would chose me to be one to get to do this. I am thankful though.
I was scared to death at one point about doing this but now I am very excited! I cannot wait.
I was also amazed at the people who really stepped up & wanted to do whatever it took to help. Anyone who helped big or small was a HUGE help. THANK YOU SO MUCH!!
Another thing the Lord has taught me through everything was that He does have a plan for me. Through all of it I knew that but me being the control freak & planner that I am I still wanted a little control. He showed me otherwise.
I prayed for a long time about doing things to serve the Lord even right here in front of me. He has provided that too.
I leave in 1 week! Please keep praying!
THANK YOU JESUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!