The last 6 months have been crazy for me. I have seen God work in SO many ways. I can still remember the phone call in the middle of the night from my aunt Liz on Dec. 18th. The phone rang & I immediatley knew something wasn't right. I just let it ring. Beau told me I needed to call her back b/c something was definatley wrong. I can still remember her words so well "there's been an accident." My uncle Windale & brother Hank were in a house explosion. At that point I didn't even know if they were going to be okay. I can still remember when I showed up at the hospital in Tulsa, seeing my brother, not knowing how his condition was. He was out of it. I just cried...I went to the bathroom & cried. God was with those two that night & I think about it so much. I remember as we sat in the waiting room that friday night & Beau & I decided to go ahead & tell my mom & step dad that we were going to have another baby. I remember how happy it made them. They both had tears in there eyes they were so happy. We wanted to give them some good news.
Well, we lost that baby & another. I was depressed..... Really depressed. I distanced myself from everyone. I tend to keep to myself when I am having a hard time. We were ready for another baby but I was so scared to get pregnant again. I cannot go through that again. That is what I said after the first time too though. After lots of prayer & time God has given me peace about having two miscarraiges. I had to be content. I know now that God has a plan. I am content with my family of three. I have told God I don't want another baby until he wants me to. I want it all on his time. I am not going to be disappointed each month when I am not pregnant b/c I know HE IS GREAT!! I am thankful for what He has done with my heart.
I had a dream:
It was last week. I had a baby girl. A second baby. It was amazing! I remember how happy I was. SO HAPPY! This dream was SO real to me. I can't even explain it. I believe God was trying to tell me something in this dream. Maybe it was another way of Him giving me comfort. I believe we will have another baby. I believe that is what God was telling me. Only time will tell.
In class Sunday, Glen talked about 10 ways God speaks to us:
7.The Word of God
8.An audible voice
9.The Holy Spirit
10.Through other people
When he talked about dreams my heart was pounding so hard I think people could see it coming out of my chest. It is so real to me. We shall see. In the meantime, Thank you GOD for all my MANY BLESSINGS!! I have so much! All because of GOD!!