Wednesday, January 6, 2010

I am an emotional rollorcoaster

Yesterday I woke up praying. I felt some joy b/c I was thinking that God has big plans for me. I know they must be great plans! I was feeling better. Still had my sad moments. Beau & I came home yesterday evening. It was a quiet ride. I still can't believe what has happened. It is hard for me to believe I am not pregnant anymore. Now that I am back home in AR away from my family I think things have really hit. I have been an emotional rollorcoaster like never before. I have all these questions. WHY WHY WHY?? What did I do wrong? Is it my fault? What could I have done different? Is it going to happen again? Will I be able to have another child? I do understand that miscarraiges happen to alot of women. I am thankful for all those who have supported me who have been through what I just went through. I know women who have had it alot worse than me....

People have been giving me great verses...

"For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace & not of evil, to give you a future and a hope." Jerem. 29:11 (this verse makes my heart happy) (Ashley Hardcastle & Mandy McMillan gave me this verse)

Ps. 46:10 "Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth." (Nita Carter gave me this one)

I am so thankful for my aunt Liz. She is the one who suggested I go ahead & go to the dr. She prayed with Beau & me before the dr. had come in with the results. She & uncle Bob went to wal-mart to get me clothes to wear home & they waited while I had my surgery. She loves me so much & I am thankful she was there with us. I am thankful for her husband Bob who went with us as well although he had to work the next day. They didn't get to bed until after 4. :( I am thankful for my mom who was keeping Piper for me. I knew she was taken care of.

Thanking God for trying to show me what it is He is trying to show me. For trying to make me into the person He wants me to be. I pray that I can see what it is He is trying to show me & be who He wants me to be. Praying hard! I don't think I have ever begged God to answer my prayers like I did when I knew I was losing the baby. Whatever He is doing to me. I know it is so good & I am so thankful for that.

Have you ever lost something & looked & looked & couldn't find it? I do that alot then I say a little prayer & it amazes me how I just find it instantly. It amazes me how hard I prayed for my baby to be saved & it didn't come true but something as simple as finding something does come true. That is God at work.

Please God let me see what you are showing me! Thank you for bringing me through. There I said it...almost....Thank you GOD for loving me so much! I don't know what I am trying to say. It's all just up & down. I know I love the Lord & he is helping me getting through......I am crying as I write this b/c I haven't ever been through this. All the emotion, & thoughts, & I just feel the love of God. Anyway, that is all for now.

God is SO GOOD!!!!!!!

2 comments:

  1. Becky, you are such a strong person. You have a lot of hope and faith in God, and a lot of people to support you. That will get you through. We love you all and are thinking about you.

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  2. You are strong and brave. May God put his coat of warmth around your small sweet body. May you awake in the morning refreshed and restored. If not tomorrow maybe the next day. May you feel peace, and regain your strength.
    I love you and I am sorry.
    Love,
    Tonia

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