Monday, January 4, 2010

Can't believe I am blogging about this..

Well, here is goes.....

I have been praying hard the last 3 days. God didn't answer my prayers:(

This may be TMI for some people...( I AM SERIOUS)

New Years Eve night when I was going to bed I noticed a little spotting. It wasn't such a big deal b/c I did the same thing with Piper at the same week. The next day it was still going on. No cramps. Little more than what I did with Piper. The day after that (saturday the 5th) I was bleeding a little more. A few clots (sorry) & cramping some. Nothing too bad. We decided to go to my moms in Antlers for the night so we could see my brother. Beau had to work at the church that evening so we didn't get to Antlers until about 10:15. That night I started cramping a little more I woke a few times in the night cramping. Sunday I had even more blood (sorry again) & I was cramping a little harder. My aunt Liz found out & suggested we go to Durant to the hospital & get checked out. We decided to go. I had been stressing & worried for 3 days & I wan't to just find out. The first thing the dr. did was check to see if my cervics was open or closed. He never said but we knew it wasn't good. I bled alot & he said he was going to order an ultrasound b/c he didn't like how much blood there was. Beau & I did not have a good feeling. Then the nurse brought me some tissue. That wasn't a good sign. They then did blood work they never told me my count but then sent me for an ultrasound. I was getting dressed & saw the pictures pop up on the machine. I saw a little blob & regained hope. I came back in & told aunt Liz & Beau that I believed there was still hope. About 30 minutes later the dr. came in & we knew it wasn't good. He told us we are losing the baby & they never found a heartbeat. That was it, it was confirmed. Our baby wasn't alive. He said the OB wanted me to do a D&C. He said I have a chance of infection & I wouldn't know when it was going to pass & I would be in quite a bit of pain. The upside of the DNC was that I would get it over with. I was still a little worried. We took a minute & decided on a DNC. When they took me to have surgery I need to go to the bathroom. I went in & passed two BIG blood clots. I was laying in the room where they were prepping me for surgery. My aunt, uncle, & Beau were talking with the dr. while we waited for the anesthesiolgist. They (my family) left & they gave me my medicine & put my oxygen on. The dr. was asking me questions & I knew she was just waiting for me to go to sleep. I finally said I am sleepy is it okay if I go to sleep. She said yes & I was out. I woke up & I knew they had more to do. I felt like I just dozed off but they were done. I was groggy but felt okay. I had to go to a room after recovery for an hour then got to leave. I was cramping a little but not too bad. I couldn't believe that my baby was gone. :^(Dr. Taylor (the OBGYN that did my surgery) said most of it was gone so she didn't have alot to do.

While we were at the hospital we found out my cousin Tessa was there having her baby. That was neat. Daisy Faye was born this morning at 7:30. I will give more details later. What a blessing though.

I have to say that God didn't answer my prayer about this but I know He knows what is best. He has something planned for Beau & me & I can't wait to see what. I know He loves me so much & He is still SO good! I do believe with all my heart that I will get to hold our baby again some day.

I also want to share that during this whole pregnancy I had a weird feeling. Something just wasn't right. I read a lot of message boards about people who were supposed to be due in aug. & moms who had miscarraiges & things like that. I thought maybe I was getting discouraged b/c of all the bad things I was reading. No, I didn't know what was going on but it wasn't a good feeling. About the 2nd day of spotting I just knew I was losing the baby. I didn't say anything but I just knew. On the way to Antlers I told Beau that I really felt like I was losing the baby. I also told my mom that I didn't think things were going to be okay. I did still have that little bit of hope. As much as I prayed for God to just save our baby I knew that He still had a plan.

2 comments:

  1. Thank you for sharing that Becky. I know it was hard. God does have a plan. I speak from experience when I say that sometimes we don't understand His plans but they are always better than our own. When we had the miscarriage and then when we went through infertility it was very hard and I questioned His plans a lot but now that I look back and see our journey from the other side and see the two amazing blessings He has brought us, I understand that He was in control all along. He knows so much more than our minds can even fathom and he's always working for good. If you need anything you know you can always call. We are praying for you guys!

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  2. We love you all and we are thinking about you.

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